


steal the state i'm in

by 5ambreakdown



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s04e07 The Barbecue, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, POV David Rose, Recreational Drug Use, Sad David Hours, just a quick mention of weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29304600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5ambreakdown/pseuds/5ambreakdown
Summary: And he grew too sure in the Patrickness of it all to think that his own past could be messy and convoluted. Of course Patrick had others. Of course Patrick had a fiancée, because who in their right mind wouldn’t try to make Patrick theirs forever?
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 9
Kudos: 87





	steal the state i'm in

**Author's Note:**

> title from "basket case" by sara bareilles

_He sees you, for all that you are._

Sitting in the dingy motel room that’s been his home for the past few years, alone, those words sunk in. True. They were true - _are_ true. And he’s known it, god he’s _known_ it, for some time, but never have they stung. Scary for a time, yes, but he was only met with security and certainty. Now, he doesn’t have that, that security and certainty. Now, there’s an ex-fiancée in the picture. Well, there’s always been an ex-fiancée, but that’s out there now, a history David’s privy to, no longer hidden from.

He’s experienced everything being pulled away from him. He never knew his parents growing up, never had a mom or dad to cry into when his classmates were harsh. Alexis used to take his love and willingness to do anything for her for granted. No one ever stayed. No one had ever come to him with the intention of exploring what it would be like to stay. They had an agenda for a few good fucks or pills or money or a featured spot in his gallery. God, his gallery. That was never his, even with his name poured into every bit of it, it was never going to be his. He thought - all the Roses thought - the money would always stay. That one safety net he had held an expiration date none of them could even foresee. 

Patrick, though. He thought Patrick might not be ripped away from him. Patrick was good, kind. Patrick cared about David, about all his obnoxious opinions and funky clothes. Patrick took interest in David, made car playlists full of Mariah and Christina and learned his pizza and coffee preferences not because it was convenient or muscle memory, but because he cared. Patrick always let David pick the movie, even if it was just _The Lake House_ for the fifth time. Patrick adored to see the way David’s eyes lit up, betraying the smile he was trying less and less to hide. Patrick liked _David._ And he grew too sure in the Patrickness of it all to think that his own past could be messy and convoluted. Of course Patrick had others. Of course Patrick had a fiancée, because who in their right mind wouldn’t try to make Patrick theirs forever? 

And Patrick did lie, he lied to David and that needed to be a very long conversation, but he was someone David _could_ have those very long, very difficult conversations with. Patrick cared about their relationship, he wanted it to be good and better and something that grew instead of just running its course. But David pushed him away, giving him all the out he needed to run away to find someone who didn’t spiral like this. Someone who invited him to family barbecues, who had more skin than scars, who wasn’t bratty, who could look him in the fucking eyes and be honest about his feelings, because David’s pretty sure he just let him go without ever telling Patrick Brewer he’s so fucking in love with him. 

_You make me feel right, David._

It was adrenaline, he was sure of it. Too caught up in the emotionality of everything to think through his words, filter lost to the panic. Others could make Patrick feel that, feel good and happy and _right._ He would figure that out soon enough, if he hadn’t already. Indefinite time away from David usually brought life-altering revelations not even the strongest high could rival. David said he needed time, and Patrick would figure out he needed anyone else. 

Not that David doubted their connection and experiences, ones that had no right to cut as deep as they did. It’s not as if he didn’t live and breathe every curve of Patrick’s smile and the very ways he could draw that out of him. He’d be a fool to deny the synchronicity of their heartbeats and labored breathing as they fell back onto the bed covers, a mess of sweat and come and lube, the softness of Patrick’s eyes as they held each other until sleep proved stronger than their resolve to live in the rare, precious moments of privacy. 

It was new for Patrick, yes, but David was exploring uncharted territory all his own. To be cared for, respected. There would be an abundance of that for Patrick, but David. David felt more cared for than he ever had, with or without Patrick, but nothing so intense, so sure. He wouldn’t find that again. It was a deep ache, something he didn’t even try and argue against because he knew it was true. Patrick fit with him, and David was smart enough to recognize that but dumb enough to possibly let that go. 

He understood that Patrick was the rarity here. People like him - nice, genuine, kind people - wanted nothing to do with David. And maybe it was to spare his heart a little, knowing that when this all came crashing down around him Patrick would be okay. Eventually. Hurt for a little bit, ache in the ways you do when you lose the first person you lend your unreserved vulnerability to. Knowing, though, that _someone_ would be there to help pick up Patrick’s broken pieces, mend them together and be there to match his wit and charm and goodness, still David’s heart just a little. Patrick deserved that. David loves him so fucking much, and it _hurts_ to think that David could never be that for Patrick, because he wants to be. God, David wants to be who Patrick deserves, but-

_Ping._

His phone screen illuminates the dark room at the notification. “For fuck’s sake.” First, he possibly loses the man he loves, then, he can’t even wallow in private about it. 

Still, he groans, stretching over to grab his phone; he was broken out of his thoughts, anyway, doesn’t hurt to find out just who thought it was a good idea to interrupt him.

Preemptively rolling his eyes at whatever Jocelyn or Twyla or, _God,_ Ray had texted him - because if he knows anything about Schitt’s Creek, it’s that word of what happened had already spread the second Patrick stepped back out of Room 7 - David unlocked his phone and. Oh.

_Oh._

”business partner” 😉  
  
**Today** 01:17 AM  
You have every right to be pissed at me. I should have told you everything from the start, and there’s really no excuse for hiding any of it from you. I’m sorry, David. Take as much time as you need, I’ll be here waiting whenever you’re ready. I meant everything I said earlier today. You mean the world to me, David, please don’t doubt that.  
  


_And I was getting a little scared that I was gonna let you leave here without us having done that._

He curses ever letting Stevie figure out his passcode and sneak her way into his contacts. They were getting high in Room 3 - David apparently more so than Stevie - when she fumbled her way through his phone and changed the names for his most frequent contacts. It was before David and Patrick started dating, before what David was sure was the best birthday of his life, before he knew the soft, gentle, caring press of Patrick’s lips against his. Back when wanting Patrick couldn’t be remedied.

And now, he’s right back there. It stings, looking at the name. It’s mocking, and he wonders how long until he’ll have to remove the quotation marks and the fugly emoji that he never deleted so it’s just _business partner._ Because, even as he reads and rereads and rereads Patrick’s text, he knows he shouldn’t cling to it. People are regretful for a time, and then David becomes the regret. 

But Patrick never says anything he doesn’t mean. A small, slowly dying part of David still believes that Patrick will be a break in the pattern. He doesn’t want Patrick to just be another name added to his list of heartbreak, a self-deprecating anecdote about the time he accidentally fell in love with his business partner only to have his fiancée show up on their anniversary.

 _Just as long as I’m here in your arms I could be in no better place_

Patrick is relentless, though, especially when it comes to David. This is the same man who got up on a small makeshift band stand in the corner of their store to profess to half the town that David holds his heart, that he _wants_ his heart to be David’s. 

That has to mean something, even as David’s world lays as rubble at his feet. Patrick, even if it’s just for right now, still wants David. And, given some time, maybe that will still be true.

**Author's Note:**

> look at me! trying to figure out html and all that! we call that character growth.
> 
> find me on tumblr! [@5ambreakdown](https://5ambreakdown.tumblr.com/)


End file.
